Fabrizio Ulivieri  helps us to discover
the genius and intemperance of Italian drivers

Driving in Italy is an experience in itself. And surviving the Italian roads could make you particularly good cocktail party chatter. Driving in Italy is above all a peculiar getting-used-to.
To get-used-to- what, I am pleased to tell you in few chapters.

Bends. Watch out : if Italians bend to the right, at first cut the bend to the left and then close to the right. And vice versa!
Driving on narrow roads. We advise you to be on the utmost alert !!!
On narrow roads most Italians drive in the middle of the road, more often than not they invade the opposite lane. If you want to understand this you have to keep in mind a typical Italian point of view: the utter disregard of other’s rights. I think indeed that this utter disregard of others’ rights has its source in the extreme Italian individualism. The point of view of an individual goes so far as to substitute the law with its own needs: Italians tend to take care of themselves (and their immediate family) first and foremost.
I have to say that, because of the fall of good manners in the last two decade, what was individualism has become menefreghismo (“I don’t carism” – often signalled with the back of the fingers thrown forward from the throat to the chin): utter disregard of the civic responsibility and community. Two of the most popular categorical imperatives in Italy  are indeed “Me ne frego !” (“I don’t give a damn !”) e “Fatti furbo !” (“Get smart !”).
Have a look in the bars. In many of them there are signs “No smoking”. What do Italians do?
They smoke nevertheless!!
Wild parking. The street has become a private fact. You can park everywhere you like. You can double-park, even triple-park!
While driving, you might think it is Christmas time, because you can see parked cars along the streets continuously flashing, with the hazard lights on.
Everywhere is a perpetual flashing, as the flashing bulbs decorating trees at Christmas.
You are in the car. You see a friend of yours. What do you do? You stop the car of course. You switch the hazards on  (sometimes not even these !) and you start chatting, as if the most natural thing in the world. And if, by chance, a bloke right behind you is blowing his horn impatiently full of anger: Why? What the hell does he want? How dare he disturb us?
Driving on the motorway. Generally everyone, fast and slow drivers, tends to wanders into the left hand lane (the fast lane) on the motorway. And obviously you might think that you have to do the same. I have to warn you: suddenly, a rapidly approaching car appears in your rear-view at impressive speed, wildly flashing you with the headlights, until he's only inches from your rear bumper. This diabolic driver will not get off your bumper. What for? And why? What does one in this awkward situation do? It's easy - get the hell out of the way! What are you waiting for?!
Watch out, the most diabolical drivers if you don’t give the right-of-way immediately, overtake you on the right hand, slow, lane. He has no time to wait. He lives-always-directing himself-towards-something. Toward what even he doesn’t know.  But however I must say it happens rarely and uncommly. And just the most diabolical and hectic drivers do that. Common people tailgate your rear bumper till you “go to hell” bending to the right.
Remember: driving in Italy is like taking part in a road race !!!
Motor scooters. Motor scooters are above all designed to make you nervous. There are hundreds of them, so expect them on your left, on your right and on the sidewalk if traffic is slow enough. Nothing is more dangerous than Italian motor scooters in the town. Like a wasp swarm stinging you relentlessly.
The car driver’s language.  The most obvious word used by Italian drivers is “Vaffanculo! (Fuck you!)” or in the in extremely  polite cases “Ma va’ a quel paese! (Go to hell!)”. Frequently you can see furious drivers making the well known “Gesto del manico dell’ombrello (a gesture which resembles the umbrella’s handle)”: you raise an arm (generally the right one, but in emergency case the left one too!) you violently throw it behind you, beyond your own head, bending it like an acute angle such as the tips of fingers a bit more beyond of the right ear (the left one, if it needs). Gestures accompanied by the more bountiful of  Italic expressions “Vaffanculo!” (don’t forget: people who happen to be in Rome must keep in mind the expression of  Rome “A li mortacci tua!”, that means the same as Italian “Vaffanculo!”, and that is indeed the more offensive thing that a Roman bloke can say to another Roman bloke!

Italians as magicians of steering wheel.  Now and again, I myself as Italian, I am surprised.
But we Italians, we are indeed magicians on steering wheel!
You can see Italians which, while driving, can do three things at least at the same time. Nevertheless the hands are only two!
They smoke, drive and answer the phone simultaneously. And not just that. But at the same time they are able to see traffic signals, traffic lights, and to observe the traffic laws (reinterpreted and remade of course in accordance with the personal and daily mood)

Italians as geniuses of steering wheel. And here I have to admit with a particular italic pride that we people of Bel Paese  “abbiamo una marcia in più rispetto agli altri popoli!” (“we are one up on other peoples!).Here one sees the powerful genius of  Italian capability to simplify the absurd traffic laws.
We don’t obviously talk about the The Italian Disregard Syndrome to the speed limits, something completely smoothed out by the latest auto technology, which permits you performances once unimaginable to these limits, now trifling and obsolete. We Italians cunningly and  at the right moment, can adjust the speed limits to suit the auto technology, as cars become more and more advanced and sophisticated.
When we talk about the brain-wave that occurs when we, whilst on a motorway or a dual carriageway, come upon a slip road, you see that our ability to disregard the rules of the road is unparalleled.
The slip road always finishes with a horizontal line, denoting “give way”, but to whom? We have the precedence!
We join the road calmly, because we know that the vehicle approaching us automatically move into the other lane to allow us safe passage. This way there will be no queues. Everything passes fluidly without much effort and brain power.

But please, no rules. We are Italians !!!
 

Minivocabolario. 

Curvare “to bend”
Curva  “a bend”
Curvare a sinistra  “to bend to the left”
Curvare a destra “to bend to the right”
Corsia “lane”
Corsia di accelerazione “slip road”
Corsia di decelerazione “exit road”
Parcheggiare in doppia fila "to double-park"
Dare precedenza “to give way (at intersections)”
Me ne frego! * “I don’t give a damn!”
Vaffanculo! * “fuck you!”
Va’ a quel paese! * “go to hell!”
A li mortacci tua! * “Fuck you!”
Lampeggianti ( o luci di emergenza )  “hazard lights”
Bel Paese “A name that Italians use to indicate their country, in ironic sense”
Avere una marcia in più "to be one up (on someone)"
Autostrada ** “motorway”
Superstrada ** "dual carriageway (GB) / freeway (US)"